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American Horror Story Review: “The Replacements” (Episode 3.03)

We need two ounces of your husbands navy gravy! My god The Replacements had so many sexual scenes in it, it would make Ron Jeremy blush. Okay, okay I may have exaggerated a bit with that, but the sex was prevalent in this episode and for the most part it was odd and disturbing.

The beginning of the episode follows a restless Fiona who cannot sleep so she hits up the liquor cabinet. Apparently a midnight drink is always a good way to get yourself back to sleep… Anyways, we get some back story on Fiona in this episode. During the flashback we learn a young witch steals the life force of the current witch supreme to become the new witch supreme. This was the case for Fiona. She was gaining more powers as Anna Lee, the current witch supreme back in 1971 was growing old and weak. Fiona wasted no time with Anna Lee, slitting her throat.

They elude to what may have happened to Spalding’s tongue in this flashback. He witnessed Fiona kill Anna Lee. And they give us much reason to believe she cut out his tongue to keep him quiet.

Over the course of this episode Zoe was on a mission. She made it her top priority to reunite Kyle (even though he’s a mindless zombie) with his super depressed mother. She end up paying Kyle’s mom a visit to check in on her and during this visit she tells Zoe she saved her life; Kyle’s mom was minutes away from hanging herself. Realizing Kyle’s mom is crying for help Zoe decides to take Kyle from Misty before he has fully recovered.

This proves to be a major misstep on Zoe’s part. For one we learn Kyle’s mom had relations with her son. Who knows how long this went on for but it’s sick and disturbing. However all the years of molestation from his mom must have triggered something in him and he ends up beating her face to a pulp with a trophy.

Back at the school the newest member of the house, Delphine LaLaurie is made the maid by Fiona and shortly after made Queenie’s slave bitch. The two get along nicely. Delphine being from an era were racism was accepted and the mere site of seeing a black man as the president brings her to tears, it only makes sense they become best friends.

However after all the bossing around Queenie dished out to Delphine in the episode she proves to sort of be her hero when the minotaur shows up seeking her out. Queenie steps outside to take care of the visitor luring him into what appears to be the shed. Only thing is she didn’t want to help Delphine out but herself by having sex with the minotaur. And yeah he seems to have his way with her.

So a quick recount for all you at home. We had Kyle’s mom molesting zombie Kyle and Queenie having sex with a minotaur. If that doesn’t make for a weird hour of television then I don’t know what does. But wait I haven’t even gotten to Madison yet which was the most intriguing part of the episode.

A new neighbor moves in next door with a strapping young son catching Madison’s eyes. She decides to go on over wearing the tightest of dresses (and we thank her for that) trying to catch this boys eye. His overly religious mother is not having any of it and sends Madison packing but Madison learns a new power in her exit, setting the neighbors curtains on fire.

Fiona catches wind of Madison’s new found ability and takes her under her wing. Showing her the ropes. You can tell Fiona senses Madison might be the new witch supreme so why not learn from the current. But the hint of her having other intentions lingers.

After taking Madison out on the town to teach her the power of persuasion and hitting up a bar for a few drinks they wander on home. Fiona tries to force Madison into killing her with the same knife she killed Anna Lee. Madison refuses and Fiona shows little hesitation to kill the one person threatening her person and draining her life force. I was actually quite shocked how quickly this happened. Figuring we had at least another episode or two before Fiona decided to act.

On the lesser than interesting front, Cordelia finds out she cannot have children and pays a visit to Marie who denies to help her because she is the daughter of her arch nemesis. Their meeting however gave us a glimpse at an odd fantasy involving fire, snakes, 2 ounces of Cordelia’s husbands navy gravy, a goat, some sexual groping and a ton of blood.

This was probably one of the more wildly weird episodes of any AHS episode and it was interesting to say the least. We got back story on Fiona, we lost our first main character (maybe) and we saw a bunch of weird things. I was surly entertained for the hour and this season is continuing to go in the right direction, adding just the right amount of intrigue to look forward to the next episode.

How did you like tonight’s episode? Let us know in the comments below.