Entertainment Featured Reviews TV

American Horror Story Review: “Bitchcraft” (Episode 3.01)

So here we are again. A new season of American Horror Story. With a new story to be told. (Spoilers below)

The episode opens in New Orleans 1834 to a fancy party. Every guy and gal has got on their evening best. We are introduced to Madame Delphine LaLaurie (Kathy Bates) who is hosting this event. The patron she is talking to is then introduced to her two daughters and one step daughter. The step daughter is eyeballing the house slave across the room and he’s eyeing her back. No good can come from this.

Time passes by and it’s after the party. Madame LaLaurie is prepping for bed and begins smearing blood on her face because that’s what all normal middle aged women did back in the 1800’s. She is disturbed from her fun blood time to be told her step daughter was caught making whoopee with the house slave. The punishment, he’s taken to Madame LaLaurie’s very own torture chamber of horrors up in her attic. In there is a good amount of mutilated slaves who probably crossed her in some way.

She goes on to add to her collection of mutilated men and woman by creating her very own Minotaur with the house slave. A young child is asked to place a severed bull’s head on top of the man. She rejoices in glee. This lady has a sick sense for pleasure. Kathy Bates has a knack for getting casted as these types of characters.

We flash forward to present day and are introduced to Zoe Benson (Taissa Farmiga). Zoe is excitedly entering into her home with her boyfriend in tow. Yeah I’m sure you all know where this is going. Two teens in a home all alone, figuring this to be the most opportune time to have sex. However to their surprise and more so Zoe’s, while in the act the boyfriend begins to bleed from his nose, followed by his eyes till falling to his back and dying from an aneurism.

Zoe is a witch with a Rogue like uhh gift.

After Zoe’s parents find out about how the boyfriend died her mother feels the need to tell her she is a witch and she will be sent off to a boarding school for witches. This school’s purpose is to help them learn to deal with their abilities. Myrtle Snow (Frances Conroy) and her creepy albino helper escort Zoe to the boarding school, ring the doorbell and the second Zoe takes her eyes off them they vanish in Batman like fashion.

Within minutes of entering the boarding school Zoe is meet by the other three girls attending it who try to scare her with a fake ritual like hazing. These three girls are; Madison Montgomery (Emma Roberts), Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe), and Nan (Jamie Brewer). The girl’s fun is broken up by the head of the school Cordelia Foxx (Sarah Paulson) who goes into some detail to Zoe about the school and witches in general and how they are a dying breed.

There is mention of a witch supreme and yet Jessica Lang did not show up yet. Moments later we are brought to Fiona Goode who is trying to acquire a drug with fountain of the youth like results. She does end up getting this drug and we are shown her five days later going mad because she is getting no results. So what does she do in this case? She throws her own private cocaine party. The names on the guest list, hers and the doctor that gave her this useless drug. This is when we get to see a glimpse into the power of the witch supreme as she sucks the life out (literally) from the doctor. Momentarily becoming younger which quickly reverts back to her being old again.

Fiona ends up coming to the boarding school seizing control of it from her daughter Cordelia. It is apparent right off the bat Coredlia has no love for her mother as she keeps asking her why she just has not died yet. Nice family!

While those two gals were having a nice family chat. Madison and Zoe are off to a frat party going on at a nearby frat house. Upon entering everyone in the party recognizes Madison who is an actress from Hollywood. This prompts one of the frat guys to roofie her drink. As she is being drugged Zoe is off having a conversation with Kyle Spencer (Evan Peters) who for being in the frat with a bunch of tool bags seems to be a genuinely nice guy.

The drug ends up taking full effect on Madison and a few frat guys decide this is an opportune time to run train on her until Kyle comes in breaking it up. He chases the frat guys out and they head onto the party bus parked out front; hijacking it. As they are driving off a vengeful Madison appears on the street and flips the bus. Killing all but two guys on the bus, as you may have not guessed Kyle is one of the guys to die.

The next morning the accident is all over the news. A disgusted Madison turns the television off and the four girls are then greeted by Fiona. Fiona lets them know she will be taking over the school and takes them out on the town telling them to all wear black. We then get a gem of a line from the filthy mouthed Madison, “Where are we going? It’s too hot my vagina is sweating.” Nice!

Using her Jedi mind tricks Fiona gets the girls and her into a tour of Madame LaLaurie’s house for free. The tour informs us that Madame LaLaurie disappeared one night and her body never turned up. However Nan seems to know where the body is buried and tips Fiona off to it.

After the girls return back to the school Coredlia questions her mother where they were and tries to threaten her mother with the council. Fiona doesn’t even bat an eye, she just merely laughs at her daughter and leaves.

At the end of the episode Fiona is back at Madame LaLaurie’s estate where she was told by Nan her body was. She hired to gents to dig up the coffins whom both were Jedi mind tricked. When Fiona opens the coffin it is revealed Madame LaLaurie is alive and has been since she was buried back in the 1800’s. Fiona helps her up and they walk off into the night.

The episode overall was descent, a lot of setup for the season which hopefully leads to promising things to come. The episode didn’t seem to land as well as the first episodes in season 1 or season 2 but that really doesn’t mean anything since season 2 started off super strong and dropped off severely towards the end.

I am intrigued to see where things go this season and what this witch storyline will bring to the table. I’m sure we’ll see some clichéd things as we saw in the first episode but hopefully we also get some fresh new ideas. Oh and of course there were zombies in the preview for the season.

On a side note the opening credits to this season are nowhere near as creepy as season 1 or 2. The credits in those two seasons made my skin crawl at first. This one not so much, maybe I’m just numb to the twisted and grotesque now.

What did you think of the episode? A fan, excited to see what comes next or growing tiresome of this series? Let us know in the comments below.